July 04 2008
2:10AM
2:10AM
Dear readers,
I don't know what happen to myself now.. I just feel so down out of the sudden.. I don't understand nor I know why this is happening.. While watching "Pearl Harbor" which I borrowed from the school library 2 days ago, I just kept reflecting on myself.. I feel damn lonely, useless, and insignificant..
I'm now thinking back about the CKT test I had last wednesday.. I screwed up that test, alright? I don't know what I was thinking.. I made silly mistakes!! As simple as a subtraction, I can even calculate carelessly.. In addition, a few of my classmates asked me to teach them on monday, 2 days before the test.. I confidently taught them.. But on the actual day test, I could not even do the test properly.. I feel damn useless!!! Slowly, I lost the confidence on myself.. I totally lose my confident in teaching my classmates too.. I feel empty!
Now then I realise, I'm lonely! I used to think that I'm used to live independently here in people's country.. But, never did I realise that, I can be this weak.. I miss my parents, my love, and my whole wonderful family.. I wanna be loved by someone again.. I wanna feel the warmth of love once again.. And I promise I will keep this feeling and this relationship as precious as possible.. I miss being hugged, being pampered, and being showered with care and love by that special one.. And, without me realising it too, I miss my childhood.. Well, I admit it wasn't a incredible one, but still I miss those moments, those crazy times I had with my friends in the past.. And most importantly, I miss my late brother.. =(
Well, life gotta go on.. I just need to pen down what I'm feeling now.. I need a space to express my thoughts.. This is driving me crazy!! I just hope that when I wake up later, a new day is waiting for me ahead.. A bright and exciting one.. ^^
Anyway, I think I gotta go.. I need to go to the bed now as tomorrow I gotta wake up kinda early.. Meeting Erwin to study for Maths Quiz tomorrow.. AND tomorrow is gotta be a brand new day for me.. hopefully..
*Anth helplessly hoping and looking at the night dark blue sky and the sea of stars..*
anthonySalim.
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